I’m letting the prose speak for itself, Jay—just this once.
“Costume Jewelry”
By Joseph Manno
Erika Benteen examined what she’d been
given…
…and nearly returned it untouched.
“
His response was to take the small box from her trembling fingers,
removed its contents… and then, with the utmost gentleness and restraint,
replaced the black pip on her collar with a third golden one.
He held her shoulders—brotherly, comradely—and waited until she
met his gaze.
“Did you think you were ready last time?”
“Yes.”
An arched brow preceded what she’d known was coming.
“And were you?”
“No.”
Mantovanni smiled. “That answer is my confirmation that, now, you are.”
Now here’s the
interesting thing about this piece. Two persons whose opinions I respect
observed that the story was something of a “bait-and switch”—that the whole
thing revolves around people thinking he’s about to give her a ring.
My reaction was complete
surprise: To be honest, such had never occurred to me.
If I had written it with
that intent, it would have been constructed more like this:
Erika Benteen examined what she’d been
given…
…and nearly rejected it out of hand.
“
He held her shoulders and waited until her frightened gaze met
his.
“Did you think you were prepared for this last time?”
“Yes.”
An arched brow preceded what she’d known was coming.
“And were you?”
“No.”
Mantovanni smiled. “That answer is my confirmation that, now, you are.”
He took the small box from her trembling fingers, removed its
contents…
...and then, with the utmost gentleness and restraint, replaced
the black pip on her collar with a third golden one.
So… which version is better?